yoursoulmateis.wtf
Choose your judge.
Each one is entirely serious about this.
The Bureau
Senior Adjudicator, Department of Romantic Fate
The Drop
Creative Director, The Soulmate Collection
The Oracle
Keeper of the Ancient Compatibility Scrolls
The Algorithm
EROS-9 — Emotional Routing & Optimization System
The Patriarchy
Timeless Institution — Not Up For Discussion
MAGA
Making Romance Great Again — Tremendous Results
Karen
Manager-Seeking Level 9 — HOA Board Member
The Toddler
Age 3 — Has Opinions — Will Not Elaborate
The Roman Citizen
Gaius Aurelius Maximus — Citizen of the Eternal City — Appalled
Jesus
Son of God — Judges With Infinite, Exhausting Warmth
The Principal
Mr. Henderson — 23 Years in This Building
The Nun
Sister Margaret-Therese — 47 Years of Holy Patience